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Friday, May 13, 2011

100 Things I Learned From My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic

(In no particular order)



1. Friendship is magic

2. Brushing apples isn't nearly as fun as brushing ponies

3. Rainbow Dash is living the dream

4. Ponies are sexually dimorphic: females have round faces and males have square faces

5. REAL men wear gowns (from a prostate commercial of all places!)

6. *twitch-a-twitch --> something BAD happens

7. You WILL love Fluttershy or you will regret it

8. Dragon eggs can't hatch without unicorn magic

9. What's with the tin can?

10. Stick a cupcake in your eye

11. Doughnuts are the equivalent of alcohol (at least for dragons)

12. Pegasi have cute little chicken wings

13. Celestia's hair blows about even in the absence of wind

14. Rarity doesn't know she's naked

15. Forest animals can't clean their own homes in spring, ponies have to do it for them

16. Bears like to go to the beach but no one can agree on what they do when they get there

17. Pinkie Pie is the only one in her family without drab colours

18. Doctors in Equestria do hip replacements

19. Hitler didn't like ponies

20. The population of Equestria is vegetarian, so the population of wild animals is kept in control through some other means

21. Ponies celebrate several as yet unidentified winter holidays

22. I watch it for the plot!


















23. Celestia toys come in pink and sometimes blue but never white for some reason

24. You shouldn't hit books, you should read them

25. Gilda has to watch you like a hawk because she can't watch you like a griffon

26. Cheerilee was in fewer episodes than a lot of characters yet she still got her own toy at McDonalds

27. Believe it or not, Fluttershy was quite shy as a child

28. Rocks can't just be found in the ground like on Earth, they have to be farmed

29. Pinkie Pie never did get her sasparilla

30. Applejack has an accent even though she lives within walking distance of everyone else

31. Applejack loses her accent when she sings

32. Boots are worn on all four feet but slippers are only worn on the front two

33. Pinkie Pie barely teeters on the edge of sanity

34. Applejack is a terrible liar (Pinkie Pie can tell when she's lying but not anyone else)

35. Rainbow Dash can clear the skies over Ponyville in ten seconds flat and is the only known pony to create a sonic rainboom but she still can't escape Pinkie Pie

36. A single bathtub can contain all the water in Ponyville for seven hours without anyone finding out where the water has gone

37. Pinkie Pie's hair changes depending on her mood

38. Grown men and little girls have more in common than is socially acceptable to admit

39. If there was a contest for the best singer in Equestria Twilight Sparkle would win hands down

40. Whoever played the guitar for the Cutie Mark Crusaders should go pro

41. Pinkie Pie is not affected by gravity or distance

42. Scootaloo is the cutest

43. The groundskeeper at the Grand Galloping Gala doesn't have a cutie mark despite being very old. He must not have any special talent

44. Celestia and Luna DIDN'T lez out to create Twilight Sparkle after all

45. The Grand Galloping Gala blows and Celestia knew it yet she still invited Twilight Sparkle, her loyal student, to crush her dreams and call it a lesson

46. Celestia created a glaringly sub-optimal world where the inhabitants must literally change the seasons, possibly because she enjoys watching ponies toil miserably and attack each other every time the seasons have to be changed (at least until Twilight came along and took control of the situation)

47. Equestria has seasons and bird migration, so we can assume it has distinct hemispheres

48. Ponyville is in the northern hemisphere as birds migrate south for the winter

49. Seasons in Equestria happen in reverse of seasons on Earth

50.













51. Losing a friend's trust is the fastest way to lose a friend forever!

52. Gold is used for money but jewels are eaten by dragons

53. The "Cupcakes" fanfic isn't nearly as gross or horrible as people make it out to be, although the author was trying way to hard to make it out to be, and the story doesn't make sense in light of Pinkie Pie's admission that all ponies are vegetarian.

54. Gummy has no teeth, and since alligators regrow lost teeth that means Gummy is either a mutant or Pinkie Pie is constantly pulling out all his teeth

55. FOREVER!!!!!

56. Cows are intelligent creatures that are none-the-less exploited for their milk

57. Rarity's fashion logo is actually pretty creepy

58. Fluttershy is a year older than Pinkie Pie

59. Fluttershy is off limits to pranks

60. And then I said "Oatmeal? Are you crazy?"

61. Though Fluttershy's stare can put even horrible monsters in their place the animals at the Grand Galloping Gala still run away from her

62. Either Granny Pie taught Pinkie to laugh at scary things after the sonic rainboom incident or she's very different from other members of her family

63. Canterlot has a back entrance (the front is a sheer cliff)

64. Prince Blueblood is said to be Princess Celestia's nephew, so he is either Princess Luna's son or Celestia has other siblings that were never introduced

65. If he is Luna's son that means he's over 1000 years old or was born sometime while she was trapped inside the moon and he was let out for some reason, and that ponies can have children of different species, somehow

66. Neither Celestia or Luna aged at all in the past 1000 years, yet Luna is noticably younger, meaning she must be younger by several tens of thousands or even millions of years

67. Assuming Celestia and Luna created Equestria together (since they "created harmony" together with their sun and moon raising), Celestia had to wait a long time before doing anything (according to # 66)

68. Since both sisters are different ages they couldn't have existed forever, so something or somepony must have brought them into existence

69. Celestia needs the Elements of Harmony to defeat her sister, so even though she's older she's the weaker of the two

70. It needs to be about 20% cooler

71. Twilight Sparkle never gets a turn

72. Pillow fights are fun!

73. FOREVER!!!!!

74. Spike is right handed

75. Pony language is written and read left to right and includes such symbols (letters?) as a horseshoe, star, unicorn head, clockwise spiral, and lightning bolt

76. Ponyville uses both the imperial and metric systems

77. Twilight Sparkle's balloon in the opening song appears nowhere else

78. All the ponies in this town are crazy!

79. Short tails are in this season

80. It was under "E"

81. Newborn dragons suck their tails even though the sucking reflex is a mammalian trait

82. Hot sauce bottles are poorly labeled

83. Many of the tools in Equestria are clearly designed for use by humanoid hands despite none of the inhabitants possessing such features

84. The Ponyville library, where Twilight Sparkle lives, surprisingly has few books yet all the furnishings one would find in a home; also, no one is ever seen going there to use the library as a library, only to visit Twilight

85. Pony names often match their personality/talent/cutie mark, meaning ponies are either named presciently or naming a pony has a deterministic effect on their future development (this brings up interesting consequences with such ponies as Granny Smith, who would be called "granny" even as a little filly!)

86. It wasn't nearly that cold at the top of the mountain after all

87. Equestria is sometimes a country

88. The Apple family either has a high percentage of twins or someone got lazy when drawing the crowd scene (the blue ponies with the yellow manes are triplets, two are wearing the same green scarf, and at least two other ponies have the exact same cutie mark!)

89. The Great and Powerful Trixie is a tragic pony who is homeless and had to live in a cart that she had to drag around herself, which is now destroyed, and even though she was just hiding behind a jerkass facade because she's sad and alone no one in Ponyville cut her any slack, except Twilight Sparkle, when she did nothing worse than Rainbow Dash (who has her friends to reign her in, Trixie has no one), and certainly nowhere near as bad as Gilda, yet Gilda got a Pinkie Pie party whereas Trixie only got derision and the obsequious fawning of mindless sycophants who got her into serious trouble through no fault of her own

90. Haters gonna hate

91. Pinkie Pie eats like a black hole

92. Princess Celestia may have created Equestria, but she doesn't know what parasprites are

93. The introduction of horses was actually the single greatest benefit to the lives of the Plains Indians

94. Fluttershy is literally afraid of her own shadow

95. Good Lord, Fluttershy repeats

96. If Rainbow Dash were a human she would be willing to do some freaky things

97. Pinkie Pie sometimes doesn't understand what she is doing or why she is doing it

98. It's a bad idea to encourage Sweetie Belle to sing, especially at bed time

99. Whatever you do, DO NOT FEED THE PARASPRITES!

100. Since there is no official Trixie figure I will have to carve, sand, paint, and sand again Twilight Sparkle to look like Trixie



Pinkie Pie inspired the most things on this list, 19, and Twilight Sparkle inspired the second most, 12.



Google/Blogger/whoever huffed and puffed and made this post disappear so I have to put it up again.