How is sound coming out of Rainbow's electric guitar when it's not plugged into anything?
Evil Twi is the unibomber!
I find it hard to believe that she was able to create a magic detector having seen magic very briefly at best two times. There would have been no way to calibrate it. And when she touches the base of the statue ripples appear from the portal. When Pinkie Pie ran into it at the end of the first movie it was clear that the statue has turned completely to stone again. There should be no remnant of the portal left.
That city looks lazily done. The houses are bland and generic and the background is one solid piece. Sometimes that has been used to good effect in other cartoons, but it doesn't seem to fit here. It comes off looking rushed.
I don't like the idea of what appears to be rivals to mane six. The idea of "evil" counterparts again seems lazy. Rather than creating new characters let's just have anti-matter clones of everyone so everyone knows who they are and it saves a whole lot of time.
Hold on! Sunset has been on Earth for four years (she won that Fall Formal three times and lost the fourth to pony Twilight). How does she not know about Crystal Prep and yet everyone else does?
Principal Celestia announces the games happen every four years. Then how the hell does everyone except Sunset know about them so well, and how are they all so bitter? The last Friendship Games would have happened before they all entered high school. Maybe if a few of them have older siblings they would have heard about it, but if the games happen every four years they would have only seen a few in their lives, and they would have been little kids who wouldn't have properly understood or even cared about them. 8 minutes in and I'm not liking this premise at all. It's just so contrived.
There's a song where RD wastes a couple minutes. It seems hinted that she's friends with the head of the school band. I hope we see that expanded instead of just a one off moment.
Okay, so everyone at school knows about magic and Sunset being from Equestria. Evil Twi knows. How is it no one else does? If a magical being from another universe came to this Earth and there was a huge battle we've all seen E.T., we know what would happen. There would be no way to hide this from the world. The government would have come in and taken over. It would not end well.
Sunny needs a hug.
Evil Twi gets a much better song, but how is it she is singing in the hall and no one notices, or cares?
Why would the principal want Evil Twi to compete in a sport event when she should know she has no athletic ability? That does not make sense. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't fit. If it doesn't fit, you must quit. If winning is so important then Evil Twi is the last person the evil principal would want competing.
And I would say that CHS building a "reputation" is the understatement of the century. Even if they somehow managed to keep magic under wraps, which would have been impossible, it would still be all over the news that the front of the school was destroyed for no reason after the battle with Sunny that no one knows about. Let's assume you could somehow hide the fact that a magical apocalypse almost took place. It would be impossible to hide a gaping hole in the front of the school that would have taken months to fix.
This is not me overthinking things. These are huge flaws in the whole premise of the story that anyone would notice. Me as a kid would have noticed this. This story just plain does not make sense. It could never work.
No one knows that's not pony Twi, that's Evil Twi, who so far isn't all that evil, but she's the evil twin counterpart from the evil school, so I expect her to do something evil soon.
That has to be the first really good part of this movie, where everyone talks to Evil Twi mistaking her for pony Twi and then Pinkie figures out who she really is.
Evil Twi happens to have a device that steals magic. That's can't possibly go wrong.
That principal's a bitch.
Poor Brad. No one told him yet.
Did dragon Spike and dog Spike switch places? Nope, dog Spike just gained a new power.
Sunny tears Evil Twi a new one! Way to go. Just like Ken Watanabe says in Godzilla "The arrogance of men is thinking nature is in our control and not the other way around."
Evil Twi wants to "learn" things by wrecking them. Just like in the 1950s when the Van Allen belts were discovered and the US and USSR wanted to see what would happen if you nuked them. "Here's this thing and it protects life on Earth from the solar wind, so let's see if we can blow it up!" No one thought that was a bad idea at the time!
It's just like GMOs. "Let's take something that at best we have no idea what will happen and release it into the wild and feed it to 300 million people. What could go wrong?"
But it's worse than not knowing what will happen. Genetically modified soy has been shown to produce sterility and birth defects. This has been demonstrated with hamsters and pigs and yet trillions of dollars are backing forcing this crap down the throats of Americans. Europeans are smarter than that. There are a lot of horrible chemicals and GM "foods" that are illegal in Europe that are perfectly legal in America. WORSE, it's illegal to tell the public that food might contain GMOs! Every time someone tries to pass a law that says companies have to lable their food, you know, so people at least have a CHOICE, it gets shot down. Apparently "pro-choice" only means "pro-abortion". You don't have a choice when it comes to anything else.
And what happens if those GM crops were to mate with wild species? What are the potential effects for the entire biosphere if this stuff escapes our control? When there is a lack of biodiversity there is crop failure. A single parasite can wipe out an entire species and then millions of people will starve. If something goes wrong with these GM crops that are replacing all the other varieties then it won't just be one country that is affected. Food production is spread out over the world. The failure of a crop could kill a billion people. We need to think things through first.
Enough damage has been caused by just rushing into things without thinking them through first (that hasn't stopped people from rushing even faster today). When the stakes are as high they are there is no margin for error.
Sunny has remorse for bringing magic to Earth.
Bitch principal is evil. She wants Evil Twi to use the stolen magic for evil. And that's terrible.
No one thinks giving super powers to the girl who everyone has been a dick to the entire movie is a bad idea?
Repeat of battle with Sunny with role reversal. It lacks the impact of the original.
Pony Twi shows up at the end, makes a reference to the as yet unaired season five finale, and then spots Once Evil Now Good Twi.
What else can I say. It began slowly, didn't really introduce any of the new characters except Bitch Principal and Evil Twi, and then there was maybe a minute or two of a battle I've already seen. It's been done. There were some entertaining parts toward the end, but that was it. There was nothing new or groundbreaking. There were hints of possible directions the story could have gone, better directions, and then they were dropped. I understand the target audience is adults with deep pockets who have below 70 IQs and only care about "ZOMG FUN! Infinity/10! Saying 'it's a kid's show' excuses piss poor writing!", but even me as a little kid would have been underwhelmed by this third movie. Maybe it would have captured my attention for an afternoon, but the previous movies still have not left me. They deal with great archetypal struggles (especially the first one), whereas Friendship Games was just the same thing done worse to make money. This reminds me of when The Land Before Time started making a new movie every year, with more songs and less plot every time, and they just kept getting crappier, just to make money.
When you have 20 characters in a 70 minute movie there's no way even half of them can be fully fleshed out. Some of them only get a couple of lines. Who the hell are Sour Sweet, Sugarcoat, and the rest, but gimmick characters? They have no personalities. They are boring. Even Evil Twi and Bitch Principal come off as flat. The writers must have spent all of ten seconds thinking them up.
This is the kind of movie where there are 20 good minutes if you shut your brain off, but if you dare spend more than a couple minutes thinking about it it starts to suck, and the longer you think the more it sucks. Rainbow Rocks created an extended world for the characters to explore and it did a fantastic job with that. Friendship Games tried to do the same and ended up sucking. It wasn't terrible, not season five terrible, but it wasn't good either. It existed, it had good moments, it had more bad moments, it does not bode well for the upcoming fourth movie, but it is what it is, and I have to say I'm glad I saw it.
70/100
Showing posts with label My Little Pony. Show all posts
Showing posts with label My Little Pony. Show all posts
Sunday, October 4, 2015
Monday, September 29, 2014
Rainbow Rocks Review
My review of Equestria Girls: Rainbow Rocks. Also up at my My Little Pony page.
I saw Rainbow Rocks at the first showing and I must say it was worth every pfennig (though I only have ten and they're not accepted as legal tender anywhere on Earth). I've written six pages of let's call it running commentary on the movie from memory, twelve hours after I saw it (so there might be a couple of mistakes). It's much more detailed than my normal reviews that I've just noticed I haven't been posting here very often. Well, here it is. Since the whole thing is outlined on MLP wiki and it's already up on Youtube I'm not too worried about spoilers. Just in case I'll put some arrow things, if y'all don't want to read it.
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Those short videos that have been released, the ones where Rarity and Fluttershy deal with the hamsters and Vinyl dances in the street, they appear nowhere in the movie. That was a surprise. The movie was short enough, only 75 minutes. They could have added the shorts to make it longer.
We begin as we have seen in the spoilers that have been officially released (I've done probably 80% of my best to avoid the unofficial spoilers) in the human world where Adagio Dazzle, Sonata Dusk (she's the adorable one), and Aria Blaze are in the shop feeding off of human misery when they spot the magic rainbow from the end of the first movie and Adagio conceives a plan to take over the world using the magic brought into this world with Twilight's crown (left over, after the crown was taken back).
Cue the first song during the opening credits: "Rainbow Rocks". It's cool.
Sunset Shimmer is uncomfortable in the auditorium, being ostracized by the other students, and finds a little relief with the mane five, who are always, unintentionally, bringing up what she did in the past, leading to frequent repetition of "no offense," "none taken." Tia and Lulu arrive and mention the Fall Formal, making things worse.
One very nice thing about this movie is the directionality of the sound. They shift the channels depending on where the character is, so you can tell if someone is to the right or left, and when they move the sound moves with them.
We then see the mane five practice, under the name The Rainbooms. Cue second song: "Better than Ever". A tear nearly snuck out of my eye when they sang "we're the Wondercolts forever." The girls get pony features when they sing, and not just from friendship, but also from excellence, as we see RD start to develop features alone when she's acting like a total jerk. Flutters wants to sing the song she wrote, but RD is being an even bigger narcissistic, egotistical jerk than usual (and that's saying something) and is actually mean to Flutters. Rarity wants to pick out costumes for the band and AJ is also mean and dismissive, in an odd way. She had little problem with Rarity picking out the dresses for the Fall Formal, and she has to know that bands don't just wear anything, but the writers need to add the seed of conflict. Pinkie Pie doesn't like the arguing, but not because it's not productive or is totally unnecessary or is not what friendship is about, but because she's bored of it. Herein lies three of the main problems that will turn up again and again throughout the movie. They are a significant plot point, so pay attention.
Flash, aka Brad, aka waifu thief, bursts in looking for waifus to steal (he wants to know if Twi will be there). AJ says no and Flash leaves in dejection.
Sunny is called by the principal to introduce the new students, who are the villains, to the school. More Sonatabetes.
Jump to the cafeteria, and the next song: "Battle of the Bands". We see that the mane five, plus Sunny, are the only ones immune to the villains' powers. It is a very sensual song, with a lot of curvy ladies moving about enticingly, from interesting angles, caressing people, and uncrossing their legs. The camera does seem to linger on certain things more than I expected. Hot damn, they're taking risks with this movie.
And all of this was spoiled. Officially. Almost the first fifteen minutes were revealed by Hasbro on the Internet. Nearly one fifth the whole movie was given away for free. This is simultaneously my biggest gripe and the very thing that led me to spend actual money on the movie. Had I not seen those clips, going off just the shorts that serve as a sort of prequel, I would have thought this would be terrible and never have gone. The official spoilers made me realise how awesome this was going to be.
Tia and Lulu are under the villain's hypno magic spell, so they turn to the last bit of magic they know: Sunny's book. She uses it to write letters to Celestia, like Twi, only without the need for a dragon. Of course we never learned of this before, but that's okay. They don't know if it will work, but it does, or the movie would end right there.
Cut to the only pony part of the whole movie. Ponyville is as it was after Tirek destroyed it, so weeks, maybe months have passed since the previous movie. The other copy of the book is now in Twi's possession. She reads that her human friends (and Sunny) are in trouble and has to think of a way to help. She reads up on the villains, who turn out to be sirens. Starswirl banished them to Earth (thanks a lot) a really long time ago, which means that even though they look like high school students they're really hundreds of years old, which means they're not jailbait, they're sexy grannies. It also means they are immortal.
Twi hooks the book up to the mirror, says some science-y bullshit, and then bypasses the thirty moons restriction. She tells her friends to stay behind, because it's not like we've had a ton of episodes where telling your friends to stay behind turned out to be a really bad idea. She goes through the portal with Spike and that's the last we ever see of ponies.
She enters human world and is met with a group hug that leaves poor Sunny high and dry. It's so sad how people treat her until the very end. That's a plot point, pay attention.
They figure they have to stop the villains quickly, so they barge into the auditorium and try to do their friendship beam but it doesn't work, because without the crown music is the only thing that can activate magic, for some reason. Now they have to enter the battle of the bands and use a musical "counter spell" to activate the friendship beam. The entire onus of the task is foisted upon Twi, who tries to tell everyone she can't do it alone, but they don't listen because they are preoccupied with previous plot points. These are all plot points, pay attention.
Lyra and Bon Bon are there, together.
Twi goes to sleep in the library, but Pinkie Pie insists she and everyone else, and Sunny, stay at her house. We get to see them all looking cute in their pyjamas (AJ's got feet!). AJ and RD are playing a Mane-iac video game, and just before AJ wins RD turns off the power, then taunts AJ. Dear Lord, RD has become a total jerkass by this point. Why would anyone EVER want to spend time with her?
When everyone is asleep Twi sneaks into the kitchen to write her song, when Sunny comes in and asks if she can help. She opens the refrigerizor to discover it is entirely full of whipped cream, which she eats off her fingers (it's getting hot in here?). They are interrupted by Maud (who is stunning in human form), who seems to have gone full retard, pouring crackers on a "hungry" Boulder, making a mess throughout the house as she walks away. Twi and Sunny almost get to the point where Twi asks for help, but she backs down at the last second.
The next day the song isn't working. They practice in AJ's barn. One of them says "at least we're better than the last time" and Big Mac walks past the window for the sole purpose of saying "nope." People cracked up over that one. Daft Punk reference. Well, without the spell they have to win the battle of the bands the old fashioned way, by being good singers. Those designated arguments start up again. Remember them? You were paying attention, weren't you?
At school Snips and Snails try to rap, badly, and lose right away though they think they're so cool. The mane six sing next, cue next song: "Shake Your Tail" (a different version than the one that was released months ago). Rarity is wearing a coat with metal dangly bits. For some reason Photo Finish uses magnets to sabotage her. AJ doesn't seem to care that it wasn't Rarity's fault. Snips and Snails chase Flutters with a spotlight, Pinkie's party cannon almost chokes Twi to death and something else happens that I don't remember. They argue some more, but they're good enough to move on.
Derpy has a band of what I can only assume are background ponies, and they all play strange quasi instruments: a cow bell and a triangle, and Derpy plays a saw. It's cool.
Cue montage. We're gonna' need a montage! Ooo it takes a montage! Show lots of things happening at once; remind everyone what's going on! To show it all would take too long. Even Rocky had a montage. While The Dazzlings sing "Under Our Spell" we see the progression of the contest. We see the CMC in their Show Stoppers outfits and flashing lights, Snowflake beats Lyra and Bon Bon (who are playing piano together, rubbing cheeks, almost adopting fannon completely) with a violin that is four sizes too small, the mane six beat Octy (who speaks one line, for the first time ever), and Brad's band beats someone, before themselves getting beaten (Brad, under the siren spell, hates Twi, and he made her cry).
The mane six play the Jerk's song about how she's the best person in the universe and everyone else sucks (seriously, what is magic again? I think I know why the friendship beam didn't work the first time). It rots, but RD is so in love with herself that she almost transforms. Sunny can't let the villains see her transform, so she tackles her and everyone gets pissed off. More pissed off.
Trixie plays a song "Tricks up My Sleeve". It is... interesting. And kind of long, and kind of like a filler song. Trixie plays the role of minor villain. This is a plot point, pay attention. Trixie is better, but the villains hypnotise Tia, who lets the mane six win. Trixie gets pissed and the next day, when the mane six are about to perform, she opens a trap door and traps them beneath the stage. Since the mane six can't be found Trixie takes their spot and performs again.
Beneath the stage everyone is fighting even more. This allows the villains to suck up their magic and they use it to transform themselves into anthros (pony ears, tails, and bat wings) with glowing red eyes. It's a very cool transformation. Sunny jumps in and saves the day. She points out the obvious, that all those plot points I told you to remember are the reason they can't make the magic work. Everyone atones. AJ accepts Rarity's outfits, and RD accepts Flutters' song. That door RD had been banging on for hours opens up. Turns out it opens in, not out. Spike brought Vinyl to help. Her headphones cancel out the siren spell. She also has a car that transforms into an amp.
The villains are singing their song and are just about ready to take over when the heroes sing back. The villains release their siren forms (which look like sea ponies) to physically do battle with the mane six, who have transformed into their anthro forms as well, and they almost win, but Twi finally asks Sunny for help and she picks up the mic and starts to sing. She takes her coat off, so you know this shit's just got real, revealing a nice backless top she never wore before. She transforms too, into good mode this time. Together their singing creates a giant alicorn of light which destroys the villains' pendants and busts them down to normal. They try to sing, to regain control of the crowd, but now their singing sucks and they run away in shame.
Brad hugs Twi, and Sunny reveals she's a totally awesome guitar player and she's now a permanent part of the band. Twi leaves. Sometime in the future Sunny is writing to Twi through the magic book, which allows the portal to be opened at any time. It's really sweet.
There is no pony bit at the end like last time. We go straight to the credits, and they are lovely. Last time there were just scrolling words, with Derpy at the very end, but this time there are a series of very lovely drawings of many of the characters. The song "Shine Like Rainbows" plays.
At the very end, after the credits, we see someone looking over a wall of pictures and charts centered around Canterlot High. It is human Twilight with her real dog Spike (first alluded to by Pinkie Pie in the previous movie). She is certain that something profoundly unusual is going on there.
They took a lot more risks with this movie than the last one, which was mostly bronybait. Sunny actually says she transformed into a demon and in the final song battle the word soul is used. In this fundamaterialistic naytheist progressive age anything that even remotely resembles religion is strictly forbidden, no matter how non-specific, so that was something to see. Adagio calls her comrades idiots, and in this progressive age where words don't mean things anymore anything that sounds like shaming people who are not "neurotypical" (a bullshit, made up word for normal people) is strictly forbidden. Lyrabon shipping. This one actually has nothing to do with progressivism, it has to do with how fandoms work. Shippers will go down with their ships, and anytime one particular ship is even hinted at officially it is going to piss a lot of people off. Lastly, there is a whole lot of sexy movement and camera angles. That is what surprised me most. It was nothing compared to actual high school (which would have to have a lot of stuff cut just to get an R rating), but for My Little Pony, I never expected that.
But none of that bothered me. They were the good kind of surprises (not the bad kind, like IRS surprises). There were three things I didn't like: 1. the movie was really short, 2. Maud, who is writing her PhD dissertation on geology, can't be so retarded that she would dump crackers on Boulder expecting him to really eat them, and 3. RD has turned into a total jerkass for no evident reason. I can't imagine how RD could have gone from where she was at the end of the first movie, at most a couple months earlier, to being a complete jerk, who is so unbelievably mean to all her friends that she makes the rumors Sunny spread in the first movie look small in comparison. Seriousry? She's Gilda bad. Her jerkness was the only thing that turned me off, and the only thing that deducted points from an otherwise perfect movie.
My final rating is 94/100. I can't possibly recommend seeing this in person enough (or at least buying the Blu-ray when it comes out 28 October).
I saw Rainbow Rocks at the first showing and I must say it was worth every pfennig (though I only have ten and they're not accepted as legal tender anywhere on Earth). I've written six pages of let's call it running commentary on the movie from memory, twelve hours after I saw it (so there might be a couple of mistakes). It's much more detailed than my normal reviews that I've just noticed I haven't been posting here very often. Well, here it is. Since the whole thing is outlined on MLP wiki and it's already up on Youtube I'm not too worried about spoilers. Just in case I'll put some arrow things, if y'all don't want to read it.
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Those short videos that have been released, the ones where Rarity and Fluttershy deal with the hamsters and Vinyl dances in the street, they appear nowhere in the movie. That was a surprise. The movie was short enough, only 75 minutes. They could have added the shorts to make it longer.
We begin as we have seen in the spoilers that have been officially released (I've done probably 80% of my best to avoid the unofficial spoilers) in the human world where Adagio Dazzle, Sonata Dusk (she's the adorable one), and Aria Blaze are in the shop feeding off of human misery when they spot the magic rainbow from the end of the first movie and Adagio conceives a plan to take over the world using the magic brought into this world with Twilight's crown (left over, after the crown was taken back).
Cue the first song during the opening credits: "Rainbow Rocks". It's cool.
Sunset Shimmer is uncomfortable in the auditorium, being ostracized by the other students, and finds a little relief with the mane five, who are always, unintentionally, bringing up what she did in the past, leading to frequent repetition of "no offense," "none taken." Tia and Lulu arrive and mention the Fall Formal, making things worse.
One very nice thing about this movie is the directionality of the sound. They shift the channels depending on where the character is, so you can tell if someone is to the right or left, and when they move the sound moves with them.
We then see the mane five practice, under the name The Rainbooms. Cue second song: "Better than Ever". A tear nearly snuck out of my eye when they sang "we're the Wondercolts forever." The girls get pony features when they sing, and not just from friendship, but also from excellence, as we see RD start to develop features alone when she's acting like a total jerk. Flutters wants to sing the song she wrote, but RD is being an even bigger narcissistic, egotistical jerk than usual (and that's saying something) and is actually mean to Flutters. Rarity wants to pick out costumes for the band and AJ is also mean and dismissive, in an odd way. She had little problem with Rarity picking out the dresses for the Fall Formal, and she has to know that bands don't just wear anything, but the writers need to add the seed of conflict. Pinkie Pie doesn't like the arguing, but not because it's not productive or is totally unnecessary or is not what friendship is about, but because she's bored of it. Herein lies three of the main problems that will turn up again and again throughout the movie. They are a significant plot point, so pay attention.
Flash, aka Brad, aka waifu thief, bursts in looking for waifus to steal (he wants to know if Twi will be there). AJ says no and Flash leaves in dejection.
Sunny is called by the principal to introduce the new students, who are the villains, to the school. More Sonatabetes.
Jump to the cafeteria, and the next song: "Battle of the Bands". We see that the mane five, plus Sunny, are the only ones immune to the villains' powers. It is a very sensual song, with a lot of curvy ladies moving about enticingly, from interesting angles, caressing people, and uncrossing their legs. The camera does seem to linger on certain things more than I expected. Hot damn, they're taking risks with this movie.
And all of this was spoiled. Officially. Almost the first fifteen minutes were revealed by Hasbro on the Internet. Nearly one fifth the whole movie was given away for free. This is simultaneously my biggest gripe and the very thing that led me to spend actual money on the movie. Had I not seen those clips, going off just the shorts that serve as a sort of prequel, I would have thought this would be terrible and never have gone. The official spoilers made me realise how awesome this was going to be.
Tia and Lulu are under the villain's hypno magic spell, so they turn to the last bit of magic they know: Sunny's book. She uses it to write letters to Celestia, like Twi, only without the need for a dragon. Of course we never learned of this before, but that's okay. They don't know if it will work, but it does, or the movie would end right there.
Cut to the only pony part of the whole movie. Ponyville is as it was after Tirek destroyed it, so weeks, maybe months have passed since the previous movie. The other copy of the book is now in Twi's possession. She reads that her human friends (and Sunny) are in trouble and has to think of a way to help. She reads up on the villains, who turn out to be sirens. Starswirl banished them to Earth (thanks a lot) a really long time ago, which means that even though they look like high school students they're really hundreds of years old, which means they're not jailbait, they're sexy grannies. It also means they are immortal.
Twi hooks the book up to the mirror, says some science-y bullshit, and then bypasses the thirty moons restriction. She tells her friends to stay behind, because it's not like we've had a ton of episodes where telling your friends to stay behind turned out to be a really bad idea. She goes through the portal with Spike and that's the last we ever see of ponies.
She enters human world and is met with a group hug that leaves poor Sunny high and dry. It's so sad how people treat her until the very end. That's a plot point, pay attention.
They figure they have to stop the villains quickly, so they barge into the auditorium and try to do their friendship beam but it doesn't work, because without the crown music is the only thing that can activate magic, for some reason. Now they have to enter the battle of the bands and use a musical "counter spell" to activate the friendship beam. The entire onus of the task is foisted upon Twi, who tries to tell everyone she can't do it alone, but they don't listen because they are preoccupied with previous plot points. These are all plot points, pay attention.
Lyra and Bon Bon are there, together.
Twi goes to sleep in the library, but Pinkie Pie insists she and everyone else, and Sunny, stay at her house. We get to see them all looking cute in their pyjamas (AJ's got feet!). AJ and RD are playing a Mane-iac video game, and just before AJ wins RD turns off the power, then taunts AJ. Dear Lord, RD has become a total jerkass by this point. Why would anyone EVER want to spend time with her?
When everyone is asleep Twi sneaks into the kitchen to write her song, when Sunny comes in and asks if she can help. She opens the refrigerizor to discover it is entirely full of whipped cream, which she eats off her fingers (it's getting hot in here?). They are interrupted by Maud (who is stunning in human form), who seems to have gone full retard, pouring crackers on a "hungry" Boulder, making a mess throughout the house as she walks away. Twi and Sunny almost get to the point where Twi asks for help, but she backs down at the last second.
The next day the song isn't working. They practice in AJ's barn. One of them says "at least we're better than the last time" and Big Mac walks past the window for the sole purpose of saying "nope." People cracked up over that one. Daft Punk reference. Well, without the spell they have to win the battle of the bands the old fashioned way, by being good singers. Those designated arguments start up again. Remember them? You were paying attention, weren't you?
At school Snips and Snails try to rap, badly, and lose right away though they think they're so cool. The mane six sing next, cue next song: "Shake Your Tail" (a different version than the one that was released months ago). Rarity is wearing a coat with metal dangly bits. For some reason Photo Finish uses magnets to sabotage her. AJ doesn't seem to care that it wasn't Rarity's fault. Snips and Snails chase Flutters with a spotlight, Pinkie's party cannon almost chokes Twi to death and something else happens that I don't remember. They argue some more, but they're good enough to move on.
Derpy has a band of what I can only assume are background ponies, and they all play strange quasi instruments: a cow bell and a triangle, and Derpy plays a saw. It's cool.
Cue montage. We're gonna' need a montage! Ooo it takes a montage! Show lots of things happening at once; remind everyone what's going on! To show it all would take too long. Even Rocky had a montage. While The Dazzlings sing "Under Our Spell" we see the progression of the contest. We see the CMC in their Show Stoppers outfits and flashing lights, Snowflake beats Lyra and Bon Bon (who are playing piano together, rubbing cheeks, almost adopting fannon completely) with a violin that is four sizes too small, the mane six beat Octy (who speaks one line, for the first time ever), and Brad's band beats someone, before themselves getting beaten (Brad, under the siren spell, hates Twi, and he made her cry).
The mane six play the Jerk's song about how she's the best person in the universe and everyone else sucks (seriously, what is magic again? I think I know why the friendship beam didn't work the first time). It rots, but RD is so in love with herself that she almost transforms. Sunny can't let the villains see her transform, so she tackles her and everyone gets pissed off. More pissed off.
Trixie plays a song "Tricks up My Sleeve". It is... interesting. And kind of long, and kind of like a filler song. Trixie plays the role of minor villain. This is a plot point, pay attention. Trixie is better, but the villains hypnotise Tia, who lets the mane six win. Trixie gets pissed and the next day, when the mane six are about to perform, she opens a trap door and traps them beneath the stage. Since the mane six can't be found Trixie takes their spot and performs again.
Beneath the stage everyone is fighting even more. This allows the villains to suck up their magic and they use it to transform themselves into anthros (pony ears, tails, and bat wings) with glowing red eyes. It's a very cool transformation. Sunny jumps in and saves the day. She points out the obvious, that all those plot points I told you to remember are the reason they can't make the magic work. Everyone atones. AJ accepts Rarity's outfits, and RD accepts Flutters' song. That door RD had been banging on for hours opens up. Turns out it opens in, not out. Spike brought Vinyl to help. Her headphones cancel out the siren spell. She also has a car that transforms into an amp.
The villains are singing their song and are just about ready to take over when the heroes sing back. The villains release their siren forms (which look like sea ponies) to physically do battle with the mane six, who have transformed into their anthro forms as well, and they almost win, but Twi finally asks Sunny for help and she picks up the mic and starts to sing. She takes her coat off, so you know this shit's just got real, revealing a nice backless top she never wore before. She transforms too, into good mode this time. Together their singing creates a giant alicorn of light which destroys the villains' pendants and busts them down to normal. They try to sing, to regain control of the crowd, but now their singing sucks and they run away in shame.
Brad hugs Twi, and Sunny reveals she's a totally awesome guitar player and she's now a permanent part of the band. Twi leaves. Sometime in the future Sunny is writing to Twi through the magic book, which allows the portal to be opened at any time. It's really sweet.
There is no pony bit at the end like last time. We go straight to the credits, and they are lovely. Last time there were just scrolling words, with Derpy at the very end, but this time there are a series of very lovely drawings of many of the characters. The song "Shine Like Rainbows" plays.
At the very end, after the credits, we see someone looking over a wall of pictures and charts centered around Canterlot High. It is human Twilight with her real dog Spike (first alluded to by Pinkie Pie in the previous movie). She is certain that something profoundly unusual is going on there.
They took a lot more risks with this movie than the last one, which was mostly bronybait. Sunny actually says she transformed into a demon and in the final song battle the word soul is used. In this fundamaterialistic naytheist progressive age anything that even remotely resembles religion is strictly forbidden, no matter how non-specific, so that was something to see. Adagio calls her comrades idiots, and in this progressive age where words don't mean things anymore anything that sounds like shaming people who are not "neurotypical" (a bullshit, made up word for normal people) is strictly forbidden. Lyrabon shipping. This one actually has nothing to do with progressivism, it has to do with how fandoms work. Shippers will go down with their ships, and anytime one particular ship is even hinted at officially it is going to piss a lot of people off. Lastly, there is a whole lot of sexy movement and camera angles. That is what surprised me most. It was nothing compared to actual high school (which would have to have a lot of stuff cut just to get an R rating), but for My Little Pony, I never expected that.
But none of that bothered me. They were the good kind of surprises (not the bad kind, like IRS surprises). There were three things I didn't like: 1. the movie was really short, 2. Maud, who is writing her PhD dissertation on geology, can't be so retarded that she would dump crackers on Boulder expecting him to really eat them, and 3. RD has turned into a total jerkass for no evident reason. I can't imagine how RD could have gone from where she was at the end of the first movie, at most a couple months earlier, to being a complete jerk, who is so unbelievably mean to all her friends that she makes the rumors Sunny spread in the first movie look small in comparison. Seriousry? She's Gilda bad. Her jerkness was the only thing that turned me off, and the only thing that deducted points from an otherwise perfect movie.
My final rating is 94/100. I can't possibly recommend seeing this in person enough (or at least buying the Blu-ray when it comes out 28 October).
Thursday, December 20, 2012
The End of the World
In the great film Alexander, Hephaestion, Alexander's life long companion, asks Alexander "What would you do if you ever reached the end of the world?" At the other end of the world, near the International Date Line it is already 2 PM on Friday. Friday, 21 December 2012, the end of the world. According to some people, tomorrow (or today in some places that are already tomorrow) will be the last day ever, or something. To be fair, I had my own story "The L", which I began writing in 2006, have the end of the world begin tomorrow, when The Pinnacle Research Group initiated a global disaster from Bouvet Island. In my story the 21st is only the beginning of the end of the world, with the world not ending completely until fifteen years later after great tribulations have claimed five billion lives and ravaged the surface of the Earth.
It has been six years since I began my mystical career in January 2006, and started writing The Urban Mystic in February that same year (on AOL, which no longer exits, so you cannot access past archives which I have saved). It has been five years since I had my first taste of radical Freedom, One Taste, in January 2007, when the world was on the inside and my eyes were on the outside and my self was blasted across the face of the Kosmos. It has been four years since Christmas 2008 when I had a dream about the end of the world, 21 December 2012, where balls of light came to Earth and began erasing everything they touched. It has been nearly two years since I discovered My Little Pony, something that has really touched me and helped affect my life for the better. I have made predictions: the "Arab Spring", genetically modified viruses that mimic psychotropic drugs, the "Great Winter of 2010", among others. These past six years have been full of ups and downs, but I wouldn't trade them for the life I lived before.
Now, it seems like it is the end of the world. This year I was told that I need to make sacrifices to enter the next phase of my mystical career. The choice is mine, but it is a choice between being a mystic and living a normal life, and it is the greatest choice of my life, and the most difficult. A mirror reflects everything that falls on it, without altering the thing it is reflecting or becoming attached to it. A mirror mind, the mind of enlightenment, is the same. Cutting the fetters of attachment is necessary for enlightenment, and there are a few that seem too well entrenched in my psyche to be cut loose. If I go down this path farther I must deal with the death of the small self and all the little things it has accumulated over the years. What's really interesting is, I was told this would happen in the beginning! I was told in 2006 I would have these choices to make in 2012. I was told what to expect and when to expect it, and I failed to notice until most of the signs already passed and it was too late to prepare, just yesterday. Regardless of what happens in the external world tomorrow, it may well be the end of the world for my little self.
Come what may, it will be for the best. It has been a wonderful time, dear couple of readers (actually about 20 a day). I love you all.
Always Love.
It has been six years since I began my mystical career in January 2006, and started writing The Urban Mystic in February that same year (on AOL, which no longer exits, so you cannot access past archives which I have saved). It has been five years since I had my first taste of radical Freedom, One Taste, in January 2007, when the world was on the inside and my eyes were on the outside and my self was blasted across the face of the Kosmos. It has been four years since Christmas 2008 when I had a dream about the end of the world, 21 December 2012, where balls of light came to Earth and began erasing everything they touched. It has been nearly two years since I discovered My Little Pony, something that has really touched me and helped affect my life for the better. I have made predictions: the "Arab Spring", genetically modified viruses that mimic psychotropic drugs, the "Great Winter of 2010", among others. These past six years have been full of ups and downs, but I wouldn't trade them for the life I lived before.
Now, it seems like it is the end of the world. This year I was told that I need to make sacrifices to enter the next phase of my mystical career. The choice is mine, but it is a choice between being a mystic and living a normal life, and it is the greatest choice of my life, and the most difficult. A mirror reflects everything that falls on it, without altering the thing it is reflecting or becoming attached to it. A mirror mind, the mind of enlightenment, is the same. Cutting the fetters of attachment is necessary for enlightenment, and there are a few that seem too well entrenched in my psyche to be cut loose. If I go down this path farther I must deal with the death of the small self and all the little things it has accumulated over the years. What's really interesting is, I was told this would happen in the beginning! I was told in 2006 I would have these choices to make in 2012. I was told what to expect and when to expect it, and I failed to notice until most of the signs already passed and it was too late to prepare, just yesterday. Regardless of what happens in the external world tomorrow, it may well be the end of the world for my little self.
Come what may, it will be for the best. It has been a wonderful time, dear couple of readers (actually about 20 a day). I love you all.
Always Love.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Affluence And Apathy, or Why I Love Rarity
I can say with the utmost confidence that, while other ponies and all their special episodes may disappoint, without any question, there has never been nor will there likely ever be a disappointing episode focusing on Rarity. Consistently she remains top notch, above and beyond others in excellence and grace. She stands as a beacon overlooking all the pageantry, bizarre little oddities (Over A Barrel), and endless parades of Dash getting away with absolutely everything like some grand scale karma Houdini. Unlike all the others, who may at times descend into madness (or "go cupcakes"), Rarity manages to hold onto her poise and grace while always finding it in herself to give to her fullest ability to anypony in need.
One need no other example than Sisterhooves Social where she put aside all comfort for the sake of her sister, going so far as to disguise herself as Applejack and get as dirty as possible. She did it all gladly for Sweetie Belle, who was an obnoxious, selfish jackass (like all, or certainly most, little kids). She was able to maintain her grace even among the diamond dogs worst attempts at breaking her. She never lost her head, she never sank to their level, she just bit her lip, bore the discomfort of their imprisonment, and used her wits to extricate herself from captivity.
Time and again Rarity reveals to us that she is no one trick pony like so many others. AJ is still the rough and tumble farmer's daughter, Twi is still the anal nerd, Dash is still the asshole Mary Sue, Pinkie Pie still teeters on the brink of cupcakes, and Fluttershy still warns us to beware the quiet ones. Contrasted against the others Rarity has a depth of personality that is unrivaled by the rest of the mane six put together. She has beauty, brains, and heart, sense and style, cleverness, compassion, and propriety all rolled into one fabulous package. I dare say Rarity is everything anypony could ever want in a girl. She'll go on a quest to slay the dragon and look stunning doing it. She'll work herself to exhaustion for her friends. She'll put others before herself and bear the slings required of the peace keeper. She may go overboard at times, but everypony does and Rarity is certainly not above apologising for her wrongs.
It is for all that that I hold Rarity up as an example for us all, especially in these troubled times.
The problem of the world today is the disease of Affluenza, which isn't really a disease, but neither is ADHD or depression, even though drug companies make billions off of both, so why not add one more, and one that is so troubling to so many millions?
First permit me to clarify. I'm not saying that there are not people who actually have ADHD or depression, just that they are not diseases and cannot be cured (or treated, since nothing in psychiatry is ever cured) like diseases with drugs. The psychiatry disease angle is a scam.
Depression is a mental condition in which anger is repressed and turned inward toward one's self. It is overcome by introspecting to uproot the anger (best when done under the auspices of a qualified therapist), not by blocking dopamine or seratonin. Taking drugs to fix depression is like taking drugs to fix an amputated arm. The best course of action for dealing with depression is a combination of cognitive behaviour therapy and lots of physical exercise (one British study showed that walking more than 30 minutes a day was several times more effective than any available drug at fixing depression, and walking alone was more effective than walking while taking drugs, indicating that the drugs actually worsen the symptoms of depression!).
ADHD and all its various permutations (the more types of disorder the psychiatric community can create the more money they can make selling people drugs) are just names for being a boy and not having parents who do their job. The first undeniable truth about the universe everyone learns is that boys and girls are different. It has always been for hundreds of thousands of years that boys and girls think and learn differently, and within the larger categories of boys and girls are a whole spectrum of sub-types. None are wrong or defective or diseased, just different.
Unfortunately, the pussification of America threw that undeniable fact out and replaced it with the idea that everyone is the same and has to be taught the same and if anyone doesn't fit into that narrow mold they must be diseased. Since America was pussified and only girls have pussies, that means that girls are normal. If girls are normal then, by definition, boys must be defective. No longer do boys and girls think differently, needing different modes of learning and discipline. Nope, everyone must be taught the same and they must be taught like girls. Since boys don't learn like girls, since they want to run around and rough house and compete and follow rules and have winners and losers*, then boys must be defective. If boys are no longer allowed to win and lose, if they can't run and shout and mes around then of course they'll look for outlets to their masculinity where it is deemed inappropriate. They don't need drugs, they just need proper masculine discipline and training so they can grow up into proper men. They need parents who get off their fat asses and tell them to sit down and shut up when in public (behavioural training). They need to be told to follow rules begrudgingly and most of all they need a chance to rough house with one another outside and express their natural masculine violent proclivities.
Getting back to the topic at hand, or society is afflicted by the dreaded disease of Affluenza and it is Rarity who can show us the way to overcome this plague.
In the past century, more so the past 50 years, mores the past generation, and the past decade, Western society has become more affluent. We don't have to worry about working for our food, the government gives it to us and the grocery store is always fully stocked. We don't have to have twelve children because eight of them won't die from measles or whooping cough. We don't have to write letters or look for pay phones or wait to see our friends, they are always at hand. Our lives in the West have become so easy that we have become bored and must now look or excuses to complain about things. We have to work to find a reason to bitch and moan about how "unfair" our lives are. Our blessings are so many that we must focus on the few areas of our lives that contain lack for fear of being overwhelmed with gratitude. We are the 1% in all of human history, holding ore wealth and opulence than kings and emperors of years gone by could ever dream of. This is Affluenza.
The problem stems from two unhealthy byproducts of extreme affluence: narcissism and apathy. We literally throw away enough food to feed the entire world many times over. No one ever need go hungry, just kill the warlords and give the starving refugees the garbage we won't eat.
In Sweet and Elite we see Rarity, an affluent pony, stand in stark contrast with a rather uppity fellow from Canterlot, Jet Set, along with his wife Upper Crust. Jet Set and Upper Crust exemplify Affluenza. Against them is Rarity and her new friend (and mentor?) Fancy Pants, both of whom can keep their heads despite their success (though Fancy Pants plays coy to get Rarity to display her good nature, almost as a master would his apprentice). Fancy Pants urges Rarity on to defend her friends at the Canterlot Garden Party, however uncouth, or downright destructive, they may be. Jet Set and Upper Crust, stricken with Affluenza, are appalled at Rarity's display of her loyalty but they are quickly shot down by Fancy Pants coming to her aid.
Rarity exemplifies how to be good affluent. She shows us the way out of Affluenza, minus the occasional theatrics if we may be so inclined. I would advise all of you, myself included, and especially the occupy pussies, to look to Rarity as the inoculation against the dreaded disease of Affluenza. She just may be the one to save our world from self-destruction.
*My friends and I would play space marines and fight aliens with sticks and books, not like we were visiting neighbours, and we accepted the rules of the tames as rules, sucking it up when we lost even if we didn't like it. We didn't demand do overs to boost our self esteem. We ran around and made lots of noise and fell down and got hurt. We may have cried but we knew we were supposed to be men so we got over it.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
The Return of Harmony Part 2 (of 3)
Not really, but it should have been. As a five part series finale this could have been the most awesome thing ever, but as a two part season premier, not so much. One hour of material was crammed into 22 minutes of show and with predictable results. The most powerful villain in the world was defeated in a deus ex machina way and turned back into stone as if that were the default setting of the Elements of Harmony.
Luna didn't appear (although Derpy was in the crowd at Canterlot). She was banished for 1000 years, but that wasn't punishment enough, so she was banished for the rest of Season One and the start of Season Two - the most siginficant event in the history of Equestria. Some ponies can't catch a break. She and Celestia just sat by and did nothing while Discord was on the loose? They could have at least helped (in a way other than returning Twi's letters).
If Twi could use her magic to undo Discord's negative effects on her friends why didn't she do so in the beginning? It would have been better if they had to overcome their changes with at least some struggle, if not two additional episodes worth. Part one seemed to be building up for something that never happened.
Now that the Mane 6 defeated Discord who would ever oppose them? They've only saved the very fabric of reality, they should be heaped with praise, their every whim delivered. You want everything for free for the rest of your life? No problem, you only saved reality. How could they possibly get repaid? I'm actually disappointed by this turn of events. Where do you possibly go from here?
The whole Cutie Mark Crusaders subplot was never resolved. It was just dropped like one of Discord's many non sequiturs. Were they there to demonstrait something? Were they there to serve as foreshadowing? Did their petty arguing actually free Discord? The world may never know.
This episode tried to be the greatest thing ever but was left wanting.
That's not to say this episode was bad, merely rushed. I would have to give this episode a comparatively low rating of 9.0 (out of 10.0). Not bad, like Over a Barrel, but not fantastic like Suited for Success or The Cutie Mark Chronicles.
Some very good parts of this episode include:
*Derpy was there, although she wasn't derping
*EVERYTHING about Discord
*Mean Fluttershy standing up to mean Pinkie Pie (at least somepony did it)
*Twi's balloon is back!
*When Discord fills the glass with chocolate milk he fills it from the top down, then drinks the glass and throws the glass-shaped milk away! And it blows up!
*The way Discord sits on his throne (see top picture)
*Twi handing out all the EoH necklaces and when she comes to her own she calls it a "big crown thing"
*Spike is the new Rainbow Dash
*Applejack eating apple cores and they get more complete with every bite
*When the Mane 6 originally attacked Discord with the EoH he puts a bullseye on his chest
*When they attack Discord the second time he says "friend me"
*Discord saying to Twi "Maybe the magic of friendship can help you."
Saturday, September 17, 2011
The Return of Harmony
Today was the long awaited premier of season two of FiM, and we got to meet the awesome villain Discord and learn that Equestria follows the same basic rules as most creation myths.
If we recall #69 on the list: Celestia needs the Elements of Harmony to defeat her sister, so even though she's older she's the weaker of the two.
From this we can know the following: (101.) Since both Celestia and Luna together needed the Elements of Harmony to defeat Discord, that makes Discord the de facto most powerful being ever introduced on the show. Not only did he precede the sisters as ruler of the world, he also held that position since deep antiquity and is possibly the oldest being yet introduced.
Next is the issue of the Elements of Harmony themselves. Who or what created them, or have they always existed?
The story presented in today's episode is one with a great deal of staying power. The world exists from an infinite past in chaos; out of the chaos are born the gods, the gods do battle with a great dragon, slay it, and then build the world from its remains. A lot of ancient myths follow this pattern with only slight variation (the Babylonian story of creation with Marduk fighting Tiamat follows it directly; the Greek Theogony details how the gods came from the premordial chaos: Kronos defeated his father Uranus, bringing about a golden age like when Celestia and Luna ruled together, then he overstepped his bounds and Zeus defeated him, like when Luna became Nightmare Moon and had to be defeated by her sister). This chaoskampf (conflict with chaos) appears throughout a very large number of the world's creation stories (including the Bible where, in Job, God tells Job how he fought Behemoth and Leviathan at the time of creation, trapped them, and how they will be destroyed in the eschaton, like how Discord was fought and trapped in stone, though we don't know if there was ever the intent on destroying him at the end of time), and plays out rather nicely in The Return of Harmony.
My only problem with this episode is that it is only a two-parter. I could stand to watch a separate episode dealing with how Discord affects each of the mane six. He is insanely powerful and insanely cool and I don't think two episodes do him much justice.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Equestria Girls Extended Version
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Friday, May 13, 2011
100 Things I Learned From My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic
(In no particular order)
1. Friendship is magic
2. Brushing apples isn't nearly as fun as brushing ponies
3. Rainbow Dash is living the dream
4. Ponies are sexually dimorphic: females have round faces and males have square faces
5. REAL men wear gowns (from a prostate commercial of all places!)
6. *twitch-a-twitch --> something BAD happens
7. You WILL love Fluttershy or you will regret it
8. Dragon eggs can't hatch without unicorn magic
9. What's with the tin can?
10. Stick a cupcake in your eye
11. Doughnuts are the equivalent of alcohol (at least for dragons)
12. Pegasi have cute little chicken wings
13. Celestia's hair blows about even in the absence of wind
14. Rarity doesn't know she's naked
15. Forest animals can't clean their own homes in spring, ponies have to do it for them
16. Bears like to go to the beach but no one can agree on what they do when they get there
17. Pinkie Pie is the only one in her family without drab colours
18. Doctors in Equestria do hip replacements
19. Hitler didn't like ponies
20. The population of Equestria is vegetarian, so the population of wild animals is kept in control through some other means
21. Ponies celebrate several as yet unidentified winter holidays
22. I watch it for the plot!
23. Celestia toys come in pink and sometimes blue but never white for some reason
24. You shouldn't hit books, you should read them
25. Gilda has to watch you like a hawk because she can't watch you like a griffon
26. Cheerilee was in fewer episodes than a lot of characters yet she still got her own toy at McDonalds
27. Believe it or not, Fluttershy was quite shy as a child
28. Rocks can't just be found in the ground like on Earth, they have to be farmed
29. Pinkie Pie never did get her sasparilla
30. Applejack has an accent even though she lives within walking distance of everyone else
31. Applejack loses her accent when she sings
32. Boots are worn on all four feet but slippers are only worn on the front two
33. Pinkie Pie barely teeters on the edge of sanity
34. Applejack is a terrible liar (Pinkie Pie can tell when she's lying but not anyone else)
35. Rainbow Dash can clear the skies over Ponyville in ten seconds flat and is the only known pony to create a sonic rainboom but she still can't escape Pinkie Pie
36. A single bathtub can contain all the water in Ponyville for seven hours without anyone finding out where the water has gone
37. Pinkie Pie's hair changes depending on her mood
38. Grown men and little girls have more in common than is socially acceptable to admit
39. If there was a contest for the best singer in Equestria Twilight Sparkle would win hands down
40. Whoever played the guitar for the Cutie Mark Crusaders should go pro
41. Pinkie Pie is not affected by gravity or distance
42. Scootaloo is the cutest
43. The groundskeeper at the Grand Galloping Gala doesn't have a cutie mark despite being very old. He must not have any special talent
44. Celestia and Luna DIDN'T lez out to create Twilight Sparkle after all
45. The Grand Galloping Gala blows and Celestia knew it yet she still invited Twilight Sparkle, her loyal student, to crush her dreams and call it a lesson
46. Celestia created a glaringly sub-optimal world where the inhabitants must literally change the seasons, possibly because she enjoys watching ponies toil miserably and attack each other every time the seasons have to be changed (at least until Twilight came along and took control of the situation)
47. Equestria has seasons and bird migration, so we can assume it has distinct hemispheres
48. Ponyville is in the northern hemisphere as birds migrate south for the winter
49. Seasons in Equestria happen in reverse of seasons on Earth
50.
51. Losing a friend's trust is the fastest way to lose a friend forever!
52. Gold is used for money but jewels are eaten by dragons
53. The "Cupcakes" fanfic isn't nearly as gross or horrible as people make it out to be, although the author was trying way to hard to make it out to be, and the story doesn't make sense in light of Pinkie Pie's admission that all ponies are vegetarian.
54. Gummy has no teeth, and since alligators regrow lost teeth that means Gummy is either a mutant or Pinkie Pie is constantly pulling out all his teeth
55. FOREVER!!!!!
56. Cows are intelligent creatures that are none-the-less exploited for their milk
57. Rarity's fashion logo is actually pretty creepy
58. Fluttershy is a year older than Pinkie Pie
59. Fluttershy is off limits to pranks
60. And then I said "Oatmeal? Are you crazy?"
61. Though Fluttershy's stare can put even horrible monsters in their place the animals at the Grand Galloping Gala still run away from her
62. Either Granny Pie taught Pinkie to laugh at scary things after the sonic rainboom incident or she's very different from other members of her family
63. Canterlot has a back entrance (the front is a sheer cliff)
64. Prince Blueblood is said to be Princess Celestia's nephew, so he is either Princess Luna's son or Celestia has other siblings that were never introduced
65. If he is Luna's son that means he's over 1000 years old or was born sometime while she was trapped inside the moon and he was let out for some reason, and that ponies can have children of different species, somehow
66. Neither Celestia or Luna aged at all in the past 1000 years, yet Luna is noticably younger, meaning she must be younger by several tens of thousands or even millions of years
67. Assuming Celestia and Luna created Equestria together (since they "created harmony" together with their sun and moon raising), Celestia had to wait a long time before doing anything (according to # 66)
68. Since both sisters are different ages they couldn't have existed forever, so something or somepony must have brought them into existence
69. Celestia needs the Elements of Harmony to defeat her sister, so even though she's older she's the weaker of the two
70. It needs to be about 20% cooler
71. Twilight Sparkle never gets a turn
72. Pillow fights are fun!
73. FOREVER!!!!!
74. Spike is right handed
75. Pony language is written and read left to right and includes such symbols (letters?) as a horseshoe, star, unicorn head, clockwise spiral, and lightning bolt
76. Ponyville uses both the imperial and metric systems
77. Twilight Sparkle's balloon in the opening song appears nowhere else
78. All the ponies in this town are crazy!
79. Short tails are in this season
80. It was under "E"
81. Newborn dragons suck their tails even though the sucking reflex is a mammalian trait
82. Hot sauce bottles are poorly labeled
83. Many of the tools in Equestria are clearly designed for use by humanoid hands despite none of the inhabitants possessing such features
84. The Ponyville library, where Twilight Sparkle lives, surprisingly has few books yet all the furnishings one would find in a home; also, no one is ever seen going there to use the library as a library, only to visit Twilight
85. Pony names often match their personality/talent/cutie mark, meaning ponies are either named presciently or naming a pony has a deterministic effect on their future development (this brings up interesting consequences with such ponies as Granny Smith, who would be called "granny" even as a little filly!)
86. It wasn't nearly that cold at the top of the mountain after all
87. Equestria is sometimes a country
88. The Apple family either has a high percentage of twins or someone got lazy when drawing the crowd scene (the blue ponies with the yellow manes are triplets, two are wearing the same green scarf, and at least two other ponies have the exact same cutie mark!)
89. The Great and Powerful Trixie is a tragic pony who is homeless and had to live in a cart that she had to drag around herself, which is now destroyed, and even though she was just hiding behind a jerkass facade because she's sad and alone no one in Ponyville cut her any slack, except Twilight Sparkle, when she did nothing worse than Rainbow Dash (who has her friends to reign her in, Trixie has no one), and certainly nowhere near as bad as Gilda, yet Gilda got a Pinkie Pie party whereas Trixie only got derision and the obsequious fawning of mindless sycophants who got her into serious trouble through no fault of her own
90. Haters gonna hate
91. Pinkie Pie eats like a black hole
92. Princess Celestia may have created Equestria, but she doesn't know what parasprites are
93. The introduction of horses was actually the single greatest benefit to the lives of the Plains Indians
94. Fluttershy is literally afraid of her own shadow
95. Good Lord, Fluttershy repeats
96. If Rainbow Dash were a human she would be willing to do some freaky things
97. Pinkie Pie sometimes doesn't understand what she is doing or why she is doing it
98. It's a bad idea to encourage Sweetie Belle to sing, especially at bed time
99. Whatever you do, DO NOT FEED THE PARASPRITES!
100. Since there is no official Trixie figure I will have to carve, sand, paint, and sand again Twilight Sparkle to look like Trixie
Pinkie Pie inspired the most things on this list, 19, and Twilight Sparkle inspired the second most, 12.
Google/Blogger/whoever huffed and puffed and made this post disappear so I have to put it up again.
1. Friendship is magic
2. Brushing apples isn't nearly as fun as brushing ponies
3. Rainbow Dash is living the dream
4. Ponies are sexually dimorphic: females have round faces and males have square faces
5. REAL men wear gowns (from a prostate commercial of all places!)
6. *twitch-a-twitch --> something BAD happens
7. You WILL love Fluttershy or you will regret it
8. Dragon eggs can't hatch without unicorn magic
9. What's with the tin can?
10. Stick a cupcake in your eye
11. Doughnuts are the equivalent of alcohol (at least for dragons)
12. Pegasi have cute little chicken wings
13. Celestia's hair blows about even in the absence of wind
14. Rarity doesn't know she's naked
15. Forest animals can't clean their own homes in spring, ponies have to do it for them
16. Bears like to go to the beach but no one can agree on what they do when they get there
17. Pinkie Pie is the only one in her family without drab colours
18. Doctors in Equestria do hip replacements
19. Hitler didn't like ponies
20. The population of Equestria is vegetarian, so the population of wild animals is kept in control through some other means
21. Ponies celebrate several as yet unidentified winter holidays
22. I watch it for the plot!
23. Celestia toys come in pink and sometimes blue but never white for some reason
24. You shouldn't hit books, you should read them
25. Gilda has to watch you like a hawk because she can't watch you like a griffon
26. Cheerilee was in fewer episodes than a lot of characters yet she still got her own toy at McDonalds
27. Believe it or not, Fluttershy was quite shy as a child
28. Rocks can't just be found in the ground like on Earth, they have to be farmed
29. Pinkie Pie never did get her sasparilla
30. Applejack has an accent even though she lives within walking distance of everyone else
31. Applejack loses her accent when she sings
32. Boots are worn on all four feet but slippers are only worn on the front two
33. Pinkie Pie barely teeters on the edge of sanity
34. Applejack is a terrible liar (Pinkie Pie can tell when she's lying but not anyone else)
35. Rainbow Dash can clear the skies over Ponyville in ten seconds flat and is the only known pony to create a sonic rainboom but she still can't escape Pinkie Pie
36. A single bathtub can contain all the water in Ponyville for seven hours without anyone finding out where the water has gone
37. Pinkie Pie's hair changes depending on her mood
38. Grown men and little girls have more in common than is socially acceptable to admit
39. If there was a contest for the best singer in Equestria Twilight Sparkle would win hands down
40. Whoever played the guitar for the Cutie Mark Crusaders should go pro
41. Pinkie Pie is not affected by gravity or distance
42. Scootaloo is the cutest
43. The groundskeeper at the Grand Galloping Gala doesn't have a cutie mark despite being very old. He must not have any special talent
44. Celestia and Luna DIDN'T lez out to create Twilight Sparkle after all
45. The Grand Galloping Gala blows and Celestia knew it yet she still invited Twilight Sparkle, her loyal student, to crush her dreams and call it a lesson
46. Celestia created a glaringly sub-optimal world where the inhabitants must literally change the seasons, possibly because she enjoys watching ponies toil miserably and attack each other every time the seasons have to be changed (at least until Twilight came along and took control of the situation)
47. Equestria has seasons and bird migration, so we can assume it has distinct hemispheres
48. Ponyville is in the northern hemisphere as birds migrate south for the winter
49. Seasons in Equestria happen in reverse of seasons on Earth
50.
51. Losing a friend's trust is the fastest way to lose a friend forever!
52. Gold is used for money but jewels are eaten by dragons
53. The "Cupcakes" fanfic isn't nearly as gross or horrible as people make it out to be, although the author was trying way to hard to make it out to be, and the story doesn't make sense in light of Pinkie Pie's admission that all ponies are vegetarian.
54. Gummy has no teeth, and since alligators regrow lost teeth that means Gummy is either a mutant or Pinkie Pie is constantly pulling out all his teeth
55. FOREVER!!!!!
56. Cows are intelligent creatures that are none-the-less exploited for their milk
57. Rarity's fashion logo is actually pretty creepy
58. Fluttershy is a year older than Pinkie Pie
59. Fluttershy is off limits to pranks
60. And then I said "Oatmeal? Are you crazy?"
61. Though Fluttershy's stare can put even horrible monsters in their place the animals at the Grand Galloping Gala still run away from her
62. Either Granny Pie taught Pinkie to laugh at scary things after the sonic rainboom incident or she's very different from other members of her family
63. Canterlot has a back entrance (the front is a sheer cliff)
64. Prince Blueblood is said to be Princess Celestia's nephew, so he is either Princess Luna's son or Celestia has other siblings that were never introduced
65. If he is Luna's son that means he's over 1000 years old or was born sometime while she was trapped inside the moon and he was let out for some reason, and that ponies can have children of different species, somehow
66. Neither Celestia or Luna aged at all in the past 1000 years, yet Luna is noticably younger, meaning she must be younger by several tens of thousands or even millions of years
67. Assuming Celestia and Luna created Equestria together (since they "created harmony" together with their sun and moon raising), Celestia had to wait a long time before doing anything (according to # 66)
68. Since both sisters are different ages they couldn't have existed forever, so something or somepony must have brought them into existence
69. Celestia needs the Elements of Harmony to defeat her sister, so even though she's older she's the weaker of the two
70. It needs to be about 20% cooler
71. Twilight Sparkle never gets a turn
72. Pillow fights are fun!
73. FOREVER!!!!!
74. Spike is right handed
75. Pony language is written and read left to right and includes such symbols (letters?) as a horseshoe, star, unicorn head, clockwise spiral, and lightning bolt
76. Ponyville uses both the imperial and metric systems
77. Twilight Sparkle's balloon in the opening song appears nowhere else
78. All the ponies in this town are crazy!
79. Short tails are in this season
80. It was under "E"
81. Newborn dragons suck their tails even though the sucking reflex is a mammalian trait
82. Hot sauce bottles are poorly labeled
83. Many of the tools in Equestria are clearly designed for use by humanoid hands despite none of the inhabitants possessing such features
84. The Ponyville library, where Twilight Sparkle lives, surprisingly has few books yet all the furnishings one would find in a home; also, no one is ever seen going there to use the library as a library, only to visit Twilight
85. Pony names often match their personality/talent/cutie mark, meaning ponies are either named presciently or naming a pony has a deterministic effect on their future development (this brings up interesting consequences with such ponies as Granny Smith, who would be called "granny" even as a little filly!)
86. It wasn't nearly that cold at the top of the mountain after all
87. Equestria is sometimes a country
88. The Apple family either has a high percentage of twins or someone got lazy when drawing the crowd scene (the blue ponies with the yellow manes are triplets, two are wearing the same green scarf, and at least two other ponies have the exact same cutie mark!)
89. The Great and Powerful Trixie is a tragic pony who is homeless and had to live in a cart that she had to drag around herself, which is now destroyed, and even though she was just hiding behind a jerkass facade because she's sad and alone no one in Ponyville cut her any slack, except Twilight Sparkle, when she did nothing worse than Rainbow Dash (who has her friends to reign her in, Trixie has no one), and certainly nowhere near as bad as Gilda, yet Gilda got a Pinkie Pie party whereas Trixie only got derision and the obsequious fawning of mindless sycophants who got her into serious trouble through no fault of her own
90. Haters gonna hate
91. Pinkie Pie eats like a black hole
92. Princess Celestia may have created Equestria, but she doesn't know what parasprites are
93. The introduction of horses was actually the single greatest benefit to the lives of the Plains Indians
94. Fluttershy is literally afraid of her own shadow
95. Good Lord, Fluttershy repeats
96. If Rainbow Dash were a human she would be willing to do some freaky things
97. Pinkie Pie sometimes doesn't understand what she is doing or why she is doing it
98. It's a bad idea to encourage Sweetie Belle to sing, especially at bed time
99. Whatever you do, DO NOT FEED THE PARASPRITES!
100. Since there is no official Trixie figure I will have to carve, sand, paint, and sand again Twilight Sparkle to look like Trixie
Pinkie Pie inspired the most things on this list, 19, and Twilight Sparkle inspired the second most, 12.
Google/Blogger/whoever huffed and puffed and made this post disappear so I have to put it up again.
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