Saint Patrick

It's Saint Patrick's Day, the day celebrating the patron saint of Ireland, who was so fed up with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking island that he kicked them all out. That's right, he kicked them out. If only he could have come back and kick the English off the island too, he could have saved millions of lives.

Now, let me tell you a little about the Irish. They're one of those people who have suffered a tremendous great deal. In the 1850s the English tried to murder all the Irish to take their land, so when a blight came and rotted out all the potatoes (that's the problem with a monoculture, but the potato is a fantastic food in good times. Combined with milk it provides all the nutrition an adult needs to survive.) the English overlords refused to send food relief. The English did not create the blight, but they did create the famine by taking advantage of the blight to starve the Irish off their land. 1 million people, a third of the total population, died. I don't know if Amnesty International considers it a genocide, but I do. A million more people left to come to America.

In America they were treated worse than shit. They came over in the bowels of ships, in such wretched filth that one sick person could infect the whole lot of them by the time they crossed the ocean. One whole ship was wiped out completely from cholera in a single afternoon. On land they had to be quarantined (which means held for 40 days) before they could join the general public. Back then the US government held immigrants for 40 days to make sure they were disease free. Now 30 million just jump the border and those fucks in Dumbfuckistan want to give them all citizenship. I want to vomit thinking about it.

In America the Irish had to live fifty people to a single room of about 1000 square feet with paper thin walls, no heat, no running water. If the building caught fire, and they often did, nobody gave a fuck because they're just Irish. Let them burn, we can always get more.

They were given the shitest, most dangerous jobs on the continent (the only worse jobs in the whole planet were on "guano islands" where thousands of Chinese "Coolies" had to dig mountains of petrified bird shit to turn into gunpowder). They built this country. If not for the Irish the US would not be an industrial giant.

Then in 1916 civil war breaks out because the Irish got fed up with their English overlords, who failed in their genocide. The war continues for nearly a century as they try to kick the English off their land. A few years ago they reached an agreement.

All the while the Irish have been turned into cartoons, leprechauns, drunks. Their day has been turned into an excuse by non-Irish people to get drunk and start fights. Their parade has been taken over by perverts in leather thongs and stiletto boots. The people who life has shat on for two centuries are still getting shat on.

There, go and enjoy yourself now.