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Saturday, December 7, 2019

Pants Are Defective

Pants today are defective. I just tried on a new pair of pants I bought, same length same waist as I've worn for the past 20 years, and they were impossible to put on. Now, I have gained 15 pounds since then, it's true, but my old pants from just a few years ago still fit, so I haven't gotten so fat that I need to get a bigger size. Instead manufacturer's are designing pants differently so that they don't fit normally, as they were intended to.

Maybe you have noticed this disturbing trend too. Here's how pants are supposed to work. The waist is the thinnest part of the torso. It's where you can tie a belt or sash or even have clothes that just can't fall off because the body gets wider below the waist so the clothes can't fall through the rest of the body.

But manufacturers have decided that clothes that actually fit properly are passé, gauche even. Not only have they replaced all the metal parts with plastic, but they've changed the shape so that it's impossible to wear them without looking stupid.

Pants today are designed for kids who expose their asses. If you've been to public school in the past 20 years or if you live in one of the more blighted areas you know what I'm talking about. As such pants don't fit properly.

If you want to wear pants as they are designed, if you're male, then they ride on your hips (which don't lie). As such you have to cram your entire package into a space that's two sizes too small.

If you try to wear your pants a little higher so the seam doesn't try to split your balls apart you have to strap your dick to one of your legs or there's nowhere else to put it.

Hips Don't Lie

Here's another problem with pants. This is more on the side of the user, not the designer. It has to do with how people wear pants defectively, in particular, fat people.

Fat people wear pants way far down below their guts, so low that even without bending over you can see six inches of ass crack. They wear pants below their assholes and their guts hang down over the front. This allows them to buy pants that are 11 sizes too small, because the area right below the ass is much thinner than around the gut. There have been fat people who have 60+ inch waists buying pants with 30 inch waists because they wear them so low. Normally they would need to wear suspenders, because even belts can't fit on someone that fat, but today fat people are in denial about being fat, so they wear ridiculously small clothing all the while thinking "Who am I going to believe, my tiny pants or the lying scale?"

Hips Don't Lie

Don't even get me started on what women are wearing today. I remember the 80s and 90s, even the early 2000s (oughties?). Women were able to wear normal-looking pants (and, for a time, even baggy pants were in fashion for women too) and still look attractive. But today they wear these sheer, painted-on stocking looking things that's all ass crack and camel toe 24/7. You can't look away, even if you're full monk mode. They draw your eyes like a magnet. It's degeneracy, plain and simple. You can be sexy without looking even more indecent than a streetwalker.

You know my ancestors never wore pants. They were smart, and they ruled the world for 1000 years. This problem wouldn't exist if we didn't adopt the fashion of a northern barbarian tribe of horse riders. That's why pants were invented, to allow for better horse riding. I think it's stupid. We have cars today, we don't need to spread our legs that far when we travel. I think it's high time we brought togas back, and I'm not talking sheets like in Animal House, I'm talking the real thing. Our eyes, balls, and our children will thank us if we return to the fashion of ancient Rome.